i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
