Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
