i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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