Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
