Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
