Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
