insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
