i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
