I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
