I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
