That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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