Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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