she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
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Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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