They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
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Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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