If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
