she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize