dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
