when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
