Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
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Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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