So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
