i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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