My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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