I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
