So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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