i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
