Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
