Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
