A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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