you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
do herpes really smell.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
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Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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