So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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