Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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