i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Pants are for mortals
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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