Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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