yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
