my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
