I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
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Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
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Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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