My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize