his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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