does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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