At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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