are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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