we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
