I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
