In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
