Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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