I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
only if we run a train.
done.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
