Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
