Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
