It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
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I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
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He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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