goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
