can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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