we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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