put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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