He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
