We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
