i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
