i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
